Suicide: a murderous option

She pushed another piece of firewood into hot chulha. By the time her children came, she was making their lunch ready. Appu and Raju would come running for their meals, even though school provided mid-day meal, they preferred eating from their mother. Wiping off another drop of sweat, she continued baking roti for her cherries.

“Appu’s mother?” someone called out from the door. “A visitor in this burning sun?” She was a bit shocked when a stranger called. She walked out to front door and found some men with a child in their hand. “What happened to my son?” with tears pouring out of eyes she ran and grabbed the little body from the hands of the village man. “He fell on the way”, said Appu with a low voice. “What happened tell me the truth? Did u do something? She pulled him by hand and asked. “We are leaving, your elder son called us to take bring him home, so we came.” “Thank you” she replied with gratitude. Villagers departed.

She sat on the corridor, and asked Raju, “What happened sweet heart?” “We were running and coming here; accidentally I stamped on a stone and fell.” He told her with tears flowing. “Don’t cry my son. Is it hurting?” she asked. She was sure of it though. She could see a discoloration on the knee, which in fact meant another joint bleed.

She took them inside, painkiller she had kept as precaution. She instructed 8-year-old Appu to fresh up, who was rubbing the legs of his younger brother Raju who had just turned 6. Appu knew he can’t apply direct pressure, as that can increase the chances of a bleed. Appu, had his portion of roti, and saw mother caring Raju and feeding him. Raju, who had a ‘funny feeling’ in the knee, had a screwing pain, which stopped him from having food or even resting. Mother told Appu to go and inform father who was in the fields. And requested him to walk slowly so that he doesn’t hurt his already injured knee. Planting a kiss on his forehead, she asked him to go.

Appu returned with his father, in a flash. Father was sweating, he was panting. Breathing heavy he looked at the swollen leg of his younger son, Raju. Mother and he shared a glance and nodded. She wept out. He knelt and tried consoling her. “I will get some money from someone. Will take him to hospital.” Father assured as mother wept loudly on his chest. “Don’t worry nothing will happen” saying so he walked out.

Agriculture didn’t yield much to fulfill the hunger of four stomach and then for the treatment of their children. Appu and Raju had bleeding disorder, which is also known as Hemophilia. Their parents had spent lacs for the treatment of both, not so long before this fall of Raju. “Is he going to be fine?” Appu asked mother in a worried tone. Everything is going to be fine, saying so she hugged both her children tight. Tears followed as though out of a reservoir. Raju, who had a terrible pain in the knee, found comfort in the motherly warmth, he slipped into sleep as mother held him tight to her chest.

“Another ransom today, another term of treatment. Stay in the Bangalore city without job? None to look after the fields. Another devastating yield. What will we eat once back?” the questioned echoed in her head. “how good their life is going to be like this?” she was breaking down. Dark was taking over, sun had hidden somewhere in the horizon, for no reason apparent.

Raju had slipped into deep sleep. She slowly laid him down, and got up. Wiping her tears away, she prayed to the God one last time. “Oh Lord, give me the strength. Today I want it most.” She bit her tongue and her pain.

Waking up Appu, she gave him some pills, for building internal strength. The pills were sleeping pills. She sat beside him watching him slipping into sleep. Kissing his forehead, and reassuring him that she loved him a lot, but can’t love him long enough.

Taking 2 feet rope with shivering hands, she decided to end her and Raju’s life.

Salvation; moksha from the terrible life.

Father rushed in to the house to find his wife and young son hanging. He was broken; his screams bought neighbors, who took the three to local hospital. Hospital confirmed death of Raju and mother, but fortunately or unfortunately, they could save Appu.

Appu and his father walked back into Hemophilia Society Bangalore Chapter, where they are counseled and given new hope. Chapter does what it can in the best manner. But nothing else in the world can replace a mother’s love, a brother’s shore up.

One decision of committing suicide, left many lives strangled. The lives that are prone to bleed, have blood flowing as tears for the rest of life.